Great night

tonight was a great night.....I got to play poker with Ben...and I brought us dinner...and we joked....and then we were outside for half an hour...joking...and it is just so absolutely amazing when I am with him....he is so open...and I just feel great around him....he remembers everything we've talked about....and he references them....and I am so at peace with him...I don't think about sex or anything...just how nice it feels to be with him. When he got knocked out...he sat by me and watched me play....and gave me comedy relief. He did a good joke on me when I called him earlier....he pretended to be his answering machine.

David showed up....and I felt the "sizing" up going on.....and that may be why Ben left...I don't know....I am glad new David wasn't there. He said he had to go to the gym...take supplements and go to bed. He's not acting like he's interested....we'll see.

But...I need to back up to Sunday night...when we were celebrating Tony's birthday. I was drinking...lots of shots....and alcohol...and I drunkenly text Ben to see if he could come play....and I was playing, and the next thing I knew, he was there...behind me in a purple shirt...with the maroon that so becomes him....and I grabbed my heart....because it wanted to leap out from my chest. I was so elated to see him....and he even knew that it had been three weeks since we were last together. In my drunken stupor, I did talk to him about not texting me, and that I had been about ready to remove him from my phone...and he said please don't do that. He had a button misbuttoned...so I fixed it...and he said, don't undress me here....so later I text him if undressing him was even in the realm of possibility....and I don't remember what we talked about....he used the word complicated.

But we did talk by his truck---twice.....for almost 20 minutes each time. I did tell him that I am a guy's best friend....

Down side of the night is that I text both David's that I was drunk and wanted to be f*cked. David responded and wanted me to call him.....new David didn't respond.