balancing 4 guys

is getting difficult----especially when 2 are potential, and 2 i have already slept with....and i am having fun with the potentials....and i get a booty call....and miss out on amazing sex with David.

i have been spending alot of time with young David....he went on a roadtrip with me.

last thursday, ben and kris met me at a bar....and we all ended up together, playing cards til the bar closed. Was fun....and strange....people said that ben was definitely flirting....and so on sunday night, kris came to see me, and Ben asked me if i had called him for a booty call....he said it jokingly....but....i didn't like it.....and i said i don't do that.....and he said, me neither ....last time was 7 months ago.

And kris asked me what his deal is because he said that Ben hit him in the kidney...which is so juvenile.....and i talked with ben afterwards for a bit...and we made plans for tuesday....but today is thursday...and he hasn't called or text me since sunday....i don't understand it....

young david wants to go wherever i go tonight.....kris probably will be out tonight....don't know about Ben....but i am sure that David is going to want to see me, too.

kris

a new guy....who seems to be open to having me around...he has invited me to be with he and his friends...two times now! And last night he came to see me too!

everyone thinks he is cute....and he is 30...with a 4 year old son. he is polite and funny...very similar to ben in demeanor and personality.

nice.....

Ben

So after my intoxicating afternoon, i was taking Ben out to dinner for his birthday....we went to the same place again...and we were together for 3 hours...and we laughed and talked so well together. He's so easy and wonderful...and sexy to me....

I can't wait to see him again.....hopefully tonight.

i didn't have his presents ready for him.....what is that about?

Intoxicating Sex

i have never experienced getting drunk off of sex....ever.....

last Thursday, i met up with David...and the verbal foreplay was hot...then he started touching...and it was time to go somewhere....

but first...he admitted that he lives with someone...the mother of his son....but i still don't know if I believe him...especially when he says he is with her to make sure that he can have his son in his life. And he is out at night--almost every night....did he make up this person to keep me at bay??

Anyway, we went to a park near my house...because i trust him enough to share my body with him...but not bring him to my home...it was after midnight, and the air was cool, and the stars and moon were wonderful....We started making out....and i began to feel drunk...and then we were beyond gone...and we had crazy, uncontrolled sex in the park...i felt like an addict that couldn't get enough....i felt like anita blake when she is with her lycan and vamp....

We parted ways...and i didn't see him all weekend. Tuesday morning, i get a text asking me what i am doing today? me? So i found a hotel....and we had sex, amazing sex for 5 hours.....and again...i couldn't get enough of him....and he is so beautiful...and perfect in bed...I have Chris all over again...i just have to make sure the craziness doesn't start up...

This feeling of drunkeness is so strange...so different from anything that i have felt before...but...now in writing...it is like a fire under my skin...that only the coolness of his skin can assuage...and i can't seem to think or process too much information when we are together.

And i am so turned on....all the time.....morning noon and night....its crazy....
**********
last night i got so incredibly jealous....and upset that i couldnt even talk to David.....

so i opted to go hangout with another guy...and it was good clean fun!

Great night

tonight was a great night.....I got to play poker with Ben...and I brought us dinner...and we joked....and then we were outside for half an hour...joking...and it is just so absolutely amazing when I am with him....he is so open...and I just feel great around him....he remembers everything we've talked about....and he references them....and I am so at peace with him...I don't think about sex or anything...just how nice it feels to be with him. When he got knocked out...he sat by me and watched me play....and gave me comedy relief. He did a good joke on me when I called him earlier....he pretended to be his answering machine.

David showed up....and I felt the "sizing" up going on.....and that may be why Ben left...I don't know....I am glad new David wasn't there. He said he had to go to the gym...take supplements and go to bed. He's not acting like he's interested....we'll see.

But...I need to back up to Sunday night...when we were celebrating Tony's birthday. I was drinking...lots of shots....and alcohol...and I drunkenly text Ben to see if he could come play....and I was playing, and the next thing I knew, he was there...behind me in a purple shirt...with the maroon that so becomes him....and I grabbed my heart....because it wanted to leap out from my chest. I was so elated to see him....and he even knew that it had been three weeks since we were last together. In my drunken stupor, I did talk to him about not texting me, and that I had been about ready to remove him from my phone...and he said please don't do that. He had a button misbuttoned...so I fixed it...and he said, don't undress me here....so later I text him if undressing him was even in the realm of possibility....and I don't remember what we talked about....he used the word complicated.

But we did talk by his truck---twice.....for almost 20 minutes each time. I did tell him that I am a guy's best friend....

Down side of the night is that I text both David's that I was drunk and wanted to be f*cked. David responded and wanted me to call him.....new David didn't respond.

David

Today, I was lying in the sun....and I got the thought that I have been waiting 20 years for someone with the same sexual energy as Chris....20 freaking years....wowow....

And although we've been texting....we haven't seen each other. Friday, I told him that I can't concentrate....and keep imagining....and I am....the things we did, and what I want to do with him....

I told him I have a bruise....and he told me he had scratches all over his back....and they were still stinging....I didn't think I dug so much...but wow....

I really want him....and not just sexually....he is a nice guy...and I also remembered that I actually laid my head on his shoulder....like I felt safe.....

He has two children....2.5 and 18!!! wowow....he had his baby all weekend...that's cool!

Ben

I am so confused by him......I didn't hear from him all week (Monday) and Friday, he text me that he was sorry for being out of contact, and that he might see me that night. I replied a positive cheery....hope to see you. And then again...dead silence. Yesterday, I sent another message saying that I hoped everything was okay...and that his apology meant much. Again...no answer.

Jorene made the comment that he has me on pushme/pullyou mode....and there is some truth to that. In fact, I almost took his number out of my phone...cuz I don't know if I can take it. My heart already chose him....and I hate that I can't get him out.....it's his energy....and the memory of our day at the park, with our dogs....was a best day ever.

I hope he comes out tonight....I miss him

More...

I am horny as hell because of my escapade on Tuesday, and Ben has disappeared again. He hasn't answered any text since Monday night....so bizarre. I don't know what to make of him.

My tennis pro has been coming around every night...I saw him two nights in a row...but alas....no sex...he had a stressful night last night with his ex-girlfriend. Maybe tomorrow night...since last Friday we had a comedy of errors when our plan was to spend the night together.

I did absolutely no work on my house today....despite the fact that I want to have David over....immediately to f*ck all night long...

We'll see what happens this weekend....on of my other 25 year old crushes is coming to town for his birthday, and he wants to hang out and celebrate it....

wow....i am lucky!

Amazing Unplanned Sex

in a car, no less!!! A guy at poker and I create incredible sexual tension whenever we are together, and last night we spontaneously combusted together.....Oh my god!!!! It was fucking fantastic.....and he is Puerto Rican....and gainfully employed....and a kind person.

I didn't plan on anything happening...all I wanted was to go play and flirt....and on the one hand, I am very glad.....and now I can't wait to be with him again. Now I really have to get my house ready---cuz he has two roomates and they have an agreement not to bring women home.

So we were talking and texting dirty to each other all night...and then after the bar closed we just hung out and talked and then started kissing. Then we wanted to go someplace....and we were just going to make out.....and he is so sensual, his body is incredible, and I just couldn't stop myself. God I have missed men of color! Why do I waste time with non men of color---who aren't really real men!!!

I am going to have to rush putting the house together....cuz I need more of this amazing guy.

Gabe

I just realized that I haven't written anything about Gabe.....for the last 3 weeks, we have been spending almost every night together, and we have a great time. He has told me that he isn't interested in romance, but we have so much fun together with each other.....and I am very touchy with him, and I feel very close to him.......in a much different way than William.

He's gonna be leaving soon...moving to San Francisco...I am going to miss him, greatly.

I would totally sleep with Gabe....and i think it would be nice.

Saturday night, he came with William and I to a bar, and it was like there was a pissing contest going on.....an awkward threesome....not like my perfect threesome. And the bar closed, I think that Gabe felt left out....and I stayed with William for two hours til 4am. When Gabe left, I felt bad/guilty.....and he didn't talk to me for two days. He did apologize to me today and explained why he wasn't there last night.....and we were together all night.....and I think about sex with him almost as much as I do with William!!!!

He is really awesome....

Today's ben quote

"The promise of Samantha, $5 pizza and 3.50 beer is almost too good to pass up."

And I just text him about going over and watching a movie with him....and he wrote back,"Dare I encourage boredom upon a girl?"

Margaret thinks he sounds fantastic......god....I am in trouble with him.

I also told him that he made his first supporting role in my dreams. And that he was a pirate....

I didn't text him tonight....cuz he told me he was going to bed.....

My First Date with Ben

Even though we drove separately, and we split the bill....I am considering it my first date with Ben. I had the most amazing time with him--he is truly fantastic....and almost too good to be true! And I hear no alarm bells---no sirens----no stress or anxiety on the inside.

We met at Kona, and he opted for inside table, rather than patio, and I sat next to him rather than across from him. We talked for almost half an hour before we ordered. I guess I will write the highlights---he is quite unlike any other guy that I have met in a looooong time. I hope he's not gay!!!

Best things he said:

1) He has never had a wasabi burn in his brain---so I said maybe tonight would be his first time, and he would never forget the night. He said, "oh samantha, who said I won't remember tonight anyway."

2) We talked about laughing, and i admitted that if i really get going, then I will snort....."Now, I have something to aspire to. I haven't heard you snort yet...I will have to work on that."

3) "You seem to a very genuine person......and that is rare to find these days."

I was conscious of my body language, and I reached out to touch his leg and arm and hands several times. He scooted his chair closer to mine...I learned so much about him, and his family....and he told me a story about the best christmas present he has ever given---which was to his mom and dad----and he got choked up....

He is way more enlightened than anyone would dream---smart, funny, polite....walked me to my car again...and we talked some more. He had pizza in his arms...so we were blocked from a full hug.....

He was in my dream last night for the first time....we were on the ocean together ---on a trip. And of course there was sex!

I am so on fire...I can't stop thinking about him.....even at dinner while I recognize that I was having a marvelous time with him----my body and my mind was elsewhere---indulging in fantasy.

But I learned something from David---he really liked N...and after three weeks, they still hadn't slept together. So...if a guy really likes a girl...he'll wait. Cuz David is highly sexual...

I actually listened to "your looking like love to me".....I feel like he already stole my heart....without any effort....and no fight on the inside. Is it possible?

I just hope its not going to be just friends.....that will floor me.

wowow.....i'm actually turning David down these days to wait for Ben......

I am falling.........

in deep like.....and I can't stop myself! I even turned down my tennis pro last night because I just wasn't into being with him last night. What is happening to me??? My heart is doing things it hasnt done in a very long time.

Ben and I stayed out til 4am talking.....talking....and talking....and he walked me to my car!!!! I purposely parked far from his truck....and he asked where I am parked...and he said I will walk you to your car. I really wanted to kiss him...but he is such a nice guy...I think I should let him go first? I don't know.....oh but our hug goodbye was sooooooooooooo nice. There is something different about him.....

Today, i had 4 hours to think about that night....and I text a joke to him that we talked about sex over 40 times in two hours---average 1 every 3 minutes, which is higher than the national 8 seconds. I hope he thinks its funny!!!

And we are back to texting many times per day....and I was worried. I did get to see him Friday and Saturday night.

The ugly is that last Saturday, we had had an amazing group day with friends, he had his arm around me many times, and then *poof* he was gone! no goodbye, no nothing! And then he blew our day together off on Sunday---and I had/have absolutely no idea what happened to him!

I was a wreck from Sunday on....he didn't write me, call or anything.....and then he showed up on Friday, and it was strained at first...but then by the end of the night, we were good and I was happy. I spent my whole therapy hour talking about why I blame myself for other people's idiosyncrancies.

Catching up!

Wow...over 6 months since I last wrote...and probably that long since I had sex! But maybe things are changing now. I have several guys that I am interested in....and last night, I think my opportunity with the tennis pro.....and damn...he was HOT last night!!!! But, I was otherwise occupied with another guy that had come to see me last night---who is equally HOT.

So...being the sentimental ninny I am....my text box is full....and I have got to clear it out...so I guess I will put my texts here...then at least I can look at the date and the messages. How silly am I???

Tennis pro: 1/17/09....we made out in parking garage...and he asked me how dangerous i was...and he was ready to do it in the parking garage with me!!! I cant say that I have ever been in a garage before. I declined...only because there was a rumor that someone was living in his car in there!!! Then he wanted me to come over...but I opted out...and came home.

Attorney: He could be love---if we ever were to spend time together. I see him 2-3 times per week, and we text all the time, go out in groups, and he is just a really nice, great person.

19 year old: Total animal magnetism, and when we are together, it is like two magnets...and when we sit by each other, we always end up touching. And there is sooooo much heat.....but I don't know if he can handle just sex. We flirt alot on the phone...and I go to mush whenever he is around. oh so many things that can be done with him! He is smarter, and more responsible than many 30 year olds I know. And that makes it much harder to be logical about this.

Chef: A christian republican that cooks and loves the same movies as me.....and hot in a different way.....sex yes....relationship with a christian republican----NEVER!! Our first "date" was 3/21.

Sales: More money than god...wants me to cook him dinner....takes me out drinking....but not a real date. Asian....I don't know why I am drawn to him.

William: I like him....alot. We text alot (3/23 first texts)--everyday---we have been to the doggy park together and we spent three hours together in a quiet cove (3/28) with our doggies and each other. It was a most relaxing, easy day. He also came and hung out with me for 6 hours one night (3/27)...and we closed a bar down. He introduced sex into our texts by asking if I was making a sexual reference...and I was so embarrassed, because I was totally not thinking about sex. Last night he came to see me and he came right up to me and hugged me, and I swooned a little. He askd me, "where do you want to insert me?" I ignored that. After he got knocked out, he sat with me and he called me, "wise one." and we played cards.....he looked amazing!!!!!!!!! Sunday we are going to go out with our dogs....Saturday i will see him, all day!!! I can't wait to be alone with him on Sunday.