Another night with the hottie

And I am already under his spell. His smile, his laugh, his exuberance, his sense of humor.....wowowowow......

we went an played poker, and then karaoke. And he asked me to sing "Picture" with him.

Damn it, Damn it, Damn it.....maybe if i don't hear from him today, it will be a good thing. He is supposed to go with me to work tonight......and well...like I said...might be better if he's not there.

We have now been together Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday night.....and when he hugged me bye last night, I actually put my hand in his hair. I didn't drink last night, since we had partied too much the night before.

Shit, I even cancelled therapy so that I could increase my chances of seeing him tonight. Probally not the healthiest for me....but i have it bad....and he is leaving next week for LA. So I feel like i can go all the way out.....does he think i don't like him, can he tell I like him?

I keep thinking about what Brian said, and that he couldn't tell that I liked him......that I didn't give off that vibe to him....and i haven't really said anything to Derek that would make him think otherwise. And he has told me that he is shy with women, until he gets too drunk.....then he gets confident.

What am I gonna do???? I only have a few more nights/days to spend with him.....and to think this all started with a simple comment....when he asked me if I wanted to take him home.....and he gave me his number---two weeks ago.

Danger will robinson!

Having A Blast!

I've been hanging out with a very neat guy. He's moving next week to LA to be a model. And I can't believe that we just started hanging out. Nothing physical as of yet, although i think last night we coulda kissed---there was that moment after we hugged goodbye that we just looked at each other for split second.....and oh I wanted to....

I let him drive my car last night, too. He sings, he's buff, he's deep and in a way, I am glad that he is leaving....'cause I can totally see that I would be falling in love if he stayed. He looks like a playa' but he's actually a good boy. He told me that he and his ex-fiance were together for two years before they slept together. Wow!

We are supposed to go out again today...we talked on the phone my whole drive home. I also asked him to go dancing with me after poker on Saturday night. He said yes!

We were together Sunday, Monday, Wednesday.....and hopefully three more days in a row.

i gotta make him a CD of songs that I like....and I think he will like too.

yup....i recognize the warning signs. Man! Today on One Life To Live, Blair sang an awesome song! If you knew my heart. It was beautiful!!!!

Met A New Guy.

And I think he's gonna be different. He feels different.....he's into stuff spiritual....and i hope I can be calm....and not mess it up....I think we will be good friends, at the very least.

he's cute, he's kind, and i think he likes what I like...and he says he likes to cook!!!!

Feast of Love

Is a great movie. I'm only 30 minutes in & I love it. I'm so glad i bought it. Greg Kinnear and Morgan Freeman are in it.

I'll write more later, after i finish it.

I bought this, Must love dogs, Once and a Michelle Pfeiffer movie.

Gabe

is a new guy....and he's so cute. And I invited him to go out with us last Friday night....and we hung out a bit on Tuesday night after he got knocked out. But he said Meg was cute...so he probably likes her....

I don't know what I am doing with Harry. And I haven't seen Brian in so long. And Matthew is having a birthday party on Saturday night. I don't really want to go....but of course I will.

I have got to start working out.

Really.

Sex and the Single Guy

Okay...so I've been having sex about once a month. Not nearly enough....but certainly better than no sex at all. And one of the guys is the hottest guy (next to Chris) that I have ever been with......ever.....even in my hayday! WOWOWOW....and I have no idea why he chooses to be with me....when, well, he could easily have anybody. And of course, he ha a girlfriend....or he did. He is an athlete on the verge of going professional.

The first time was awesome....we had spent the day together, and we both had drank a bit...and well, I was driving him home, and I asked him what he was thinking...and he said you don't really want to know. And I said yes, I did. And he said, I'm horny and would ike to have sex. I replied, and where would we go? He said we could go to a friend's house....and I got a flash of creativity, and said, I know where we can go! And I drove him to my office....and we took a shower together, fu**ed, and took another shower together----it was AAAAAAAAWESOME.

And he is soooooo nice when I see him. Unfortunately, it was two months til our next encounter....and it started with four hours of texting foreplay. I went to his place....and he is so comfortable in his own skin...he just took his clothes off and got on his bed....and i thought I was looking at an Adonis.

He definitely has one of the nicest xxxxs I have ever seen. It is perfect...he is only rivaled by Chris. He does need to work on his endurance.....nothing a bit of tantra wouldn't take care of. I wrote him that there are oh so many things that i want to do with him.

My friend told me that i shouldn't question it....and that obviously he finds me attractive...and if he does, I think he is crazy.

i hope I don't have to wait too long to be with him again. And i need to start working out...if i am gonna be with hot guys like him....I need to be in better shape.

Wowzers!

I've been gone awhile! Where did the time go? Is it because I am no longer sexless in seattle, that I haven't written? I'm not sure. Life has been going 100000 miles per day, and tonight, I decided that I needed to do an update on what is happening in the man department. There are some new players.....and surprise visits by old players.....

Dazed and Confused

I called Brian last night on the way to work...and he answered! We talked for about 20 minutes...and again it was relaxed and easy...and it seemed alright. Maybe it's gonna be alright. I am fighting the urge to text or call him today...even though last week we talked to each other every day. I'm fine with being just friends...but I am going to put it out there that if he wants no strings sex...I'm down for it.

At lunch I talked with Tony for about 20 minutes, and we were both laughing so much...we have been hanging out quite a bit. It's been fun and awesome.

So work was fun, and a guy that I really like, D and a friend of his Riley stayed and talked with me for a bit last night. D went out with 4 different girls in one week...and he mentioned something about one girl putting out on the second date, and some of the stuff going on. His friend was really really cute and nice. Great handshake also... D doesn't seem to have a problem sleeping with girls and not being romantic with them....maybe all guys aren't created equal.

So after that, I text Matt and wanted to know if he was going to be out and alone. He said to C'mon. But I got nervous while I was in the parking lot, and opted for not going in. I just didn't want to be around so many people that know us both.

This morning, I called Mike, and he asked me why I was bashing men, and was I turning lesbian. I told him it was quite possible, and he said cool, we can film it. Little does he know.

So anyway, I am gonna do some internet research for Brian...and tomorrow I have lunch with Bret....and tomorrow night I have Tony and Matt.

What The Hell?????

Just exactly what the hell is wrong with men today? Here I had this great week with this great guy, and yesterday when I get to his house, he tells me that he doesn't have any romantic interest in me, and just wants to be friends. I think he was surprised by my reaction....which was shocked (but given my history, expected)...and we went for a hike...and we were both still just as relaxed as ever.

What the fuck man??? Clearly, guys are just as screwed up as women are....in that they don't really know what they want.

Isn't it too soon to be talking about romantic feelings anway? Why can't we just hang out, have sex if we want, and still be friends? That sounds more appealing to me anyway. Clearly, we had good chemistry...isn't that enough these days...or does it have to have a label right away...and does one need to decide right now...if there is going to be a "relationship." Shit, man.

Today, I was thinking if its that easy to have one night stands...I'm gonna be all for it. Get in, and get out. Never mind getting to know someone--as a friend or otherwise. I'm gonna have to think about this a bit....I feel like I'm on the verge of something....but I want to be able to say it to Brian also.

So, I'm sad today...not because of him...but because of the situation, arising again. What the hell is so important about me that every man wants me to be their best friend???? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRgGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Out of Nowhere!

Ok...I've been absent for the past two months---exactly...and not because nothing has been going on...I just haven't taken the time to write here.

So there is a guy that has been playing poker for over a year in my league, and his name is Brian. Nice, cute, polite, quiet guy. I always thought that Brian was cute, and he always seemed to be cheerful, and he was always one of the regulars that I was happy to see---whenever he showed up.

Previously, I would just say hi, smile, ask how he was, and then once he went out, talk a bit...and that was it. But something changed last week...he came and played Thursday night, and we talked a bit more. Come Friday, I couldn't wait to see him....and when I did, well, my stomach fluttered a bit. We talked a bit more.

Again, I was REALLY looking forward to seeing him on Saturday night. And again, when I first saw him, my stomach fluttered. After poker, we stood talking in the parking lot for about a half hour, and then he asked me if I wanted to go to a coffee shop with him. On the inside I was NERVOUS...but I said yes, and we went to the coolest spot in the world! Well...okay...that is an exaggeration...but it is a 24 hour coffee shop that serves slices of pizza!

Brian was so easy to hang out with, bright, witty and has some interesting goals and dreams. I felt completely relaxed and safe with him....and surprise, surprise...he was actually listening to me!

We talked and laughed til about 6am...then went outside and hung out til 630am. He hugged me bye.

Sunday afternoon, he text me asking me if I wanted to go have coffee...and I said no I planned to play poker....so he came too. We ended up at the final table together, which was fun. Then we went to Bennigans, and were there for about 3 hours. Then outside where we stood for another half hour or so...and I found myself wishing that he would kiss me....but I was also afraid of him kissing me. And so when it was apparent it wasn't going to happen...especially after he gave me a half body hug....I decided it was time to go my way....'cause apparently I had gotten myself into the "friend zone" again.

Monday night, I was at worked and we exchanged some texts..and when I found out that I was going to be done with work early, he said he would hang out with me. We went back to Bennigan's and were there til closing. Our time together was still easy and comfortable for me. I "accidently" touched him a few times just to see if my "friend" read was right...and he did pull away a couple of times. So I guessed that that was that. No problem...I'm used to it!

The bar closes and we go to the parking lot. We stand there yapping for probably almost another half hour, and by then...I was dying for him to kiss me. You know that we gotta go, but I don't wanna leave yet dance....that was us...and then...we were kissing....and thank goodness....he was a great kisser! And after kissing for awhile, he was like I have to go....and after a quick thought, I said I could go with you...and he looked surprised by my offer...and answered, "really?"

So went to his place....drank some water in the kitchen...then up to his room....and we laid in bed together. We talked for a bit, and he was cold and shivering a bit....but my body was heating up...and we started kissing...and for the next hour we explored each other without going all the way! Wowowowowowow! He was gentle, considerate, and totally took me by surprise.

He's kind of a shy guy....so I wasn't expecting an unihibited person....and as he said to me,"I didn't think you were the kind of girl that would be here already." If I had been thinking about it, I probably wouldn't have been there...but we had spent so much quality time together, that I felt good about my decision....and I still do.

I asked him if he could sleep with someone in his bed...and he said yes...problem was that my body was still quite hot for him...and I was giving off too much heat. We fell asleep at one point, but then he woke up and had to go splash water on himself...and after he tossed and turned, I realized that I was really the one responsible, and should go. The sexual energy between my body and his was 'causing the room to be way too hot. So I told him I was going to go, and it was sweet, 'cause he seemed disappointed. To tell the truth, I was too...but I had to go. And as soon as I made the decision, it was like the temperature dropped a few degrees and I swear I felt a breeze come through. I kissed him bye....

All day Tuesday, I couldn't get over how great a night it was with Brian. And here it is Friday, and I am still getting flashes of our time together. And I have been turned on since.

It didn't help on Wednesday night when I went over and we watched a movie in the dark...and I got waves of sexual energy flowing through me just from caressing his arm and hand.....haha...as Yoda would say..."the force is strong with this one." And before I knew it, the movie was over and we talked for awhile and then I wasn't sure when he said "call it a night" if he meant "lets go to bed" or "you gotta go." So rather than ask...I led us to the front door. And he kissed me bye...and damn it was so hard to not just go crazy right there.

Out of character, I am texting him sexually charged messages....and he did come to poker last night, and I was so happy to see him, and I was really looking forward to going home with him. But something happened, and I'm not sure what it was.

He even left without saying goodnight or goodbye....totally not cool....and totally not inline with the guy that I knew up to that point.

So I went home alone...and he hasn't answered my calls or texts today---including an offer of dinner at 5p.

So...we'll see if he comes to play tonight. I hope I didn't do anything to send him running for the hills....he really is a great guy....and well...it's pretty amazing that I could have such a great week with him....and I am not looking for reasons to not "like" him.

I like him alot.....and I think he likes me too........so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that tonight I will go home with guy, and we spend the weekend together.

Where the Hell Have I been??

WOW...an entire month has come and gone....yikes. And there is so much to update....with my many men. And there is a new one....and I hope he goes well. I spent last night with he and his friends watching the football game....damn, he's hot!

• Matthew told me he loves me. We are "just friends" now--still kinda date like when we are together though.
• Michael calls me 3-4 times a day,and we are pretty close emotionally---just not physical.
• Slept with Kevin---and it was a total dud...he got his...
• Bret brought me breakfast last week to work, came to poker on Friday and sat with me for 4 hours.....drinking, laughing and talking. Was awesome.

There is much more to all of these stories....and I don't want to forget, so I am going to have to go back and fill in the blanks.......I am having fun though!

ciao!