Kissing, et al.....

Okay....I've kissed three different men in one week---only had sex with one of them. Kevin--who showed up out of the blue...and I went home with him. I realized that since the sex isn't so great....what I really enjoy is the cuddling, and the kissing, and just being held...and talked to...

That was last Friday. Someone else showed back up last Friday. Matthew. And he kissed me hello...and hugged me...and told me that he missed me.

And I saw him on Saturday for a brief moment. And again on Monday....and he kissed me hello---while his girlfriend was outside. And he stayed all night.

And I saw him again Wednesday night...he showed up somewhere he knew I was going to be...but I didn't know he was going to be there....and well, we talked alot...and then we went to Karaoke....and this very obese woman was hitting on him, and touching him, and I was getting disgusted and quite mad....I almost left several times. I did sing two songs---nothing at all, and don't cry out loud. A guy that used to be in Joe Cocker's band said I did very well.

I don't get how someone like her can be so secure in herself, that she could hit on him (in front of me---not that it looked like we were a couple) but clearly we were there together. And she was sure that she was getting somewhere with him. Maybe I'm the stupid one....and he is just a woman pleaser...making any and all women happy....and maybe he is a sex addict....and will lay anyone...

So I walk out with him...and he kisses me goodbye-...and says you know I can't kiss you more than that. And I finally asked him what I have been dying to know all along....if he had gotten married....and he said you know that I did...and I said nope...I didn't. You never answered me before when I would ask you. It was cold...so we were snuggled against his car...and he tells me that they are already in counseling...and I just came out and asked him why did he get married? He said she has been my best friend for a long time...and I don't know. Then I said, just one week before we were making out...and then you went and got married...we didn't even get a chance to fully explore one another....and he said he knows, and that everytime he hears "suddenly I see"--he thinks of me....and that he thinks of that night often because it was so much fun---and unexpected.

He got in his car....and said he would see me Friday....and then we looked at each other...and well, before I knew what was happening....we were kissing...very passionately.....and it was awesome.

I couldn't wait to see if he would really show up on Friday. And he did, and he looked gorgeous....and he kept coming to me, and hugging me, and touching me. At one point, he hugged me from behind....and wrapped his arms around me. I want that in my life....someone to hold me and to want to be with me.

When he had to leave, I went to the garage with him....he parked on the third floor....and we kissed, and kissed and kissed....and well, he said he is going to Vancouver, and I said when....and maybe I'd show up...and he said, i think there will be room for you. My hands were under his shirt, and I was caressing his chest....and at one point, I put my finger in his pants...just to hook my finger...but i think he thought I was going to touch him....so he said no...not tonight....guess i should have cleared that up with him...then he got in his car....and we kissed several more times.
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Michael and I are supposed to go to dinner tonight---to celebrate our birthdays...he came to the club I was working on Thursday night, and visited with me for half an hour...and our body language was definitely saying yes! And when he was leaving, he hugged me....and yup....kissed me....in front of all those people.....wowowow.

I just text him to see if he was going to make it back....i dont want to be alone tonight.

it's my birthday....and not one fucking person has called me yet.....and he knows its my birthday....that's why there is no point in celebrating it.....i don't mean anything to anybody.

When It Rains It Pours

Okay...I haven't updated the blog because well, I am working about 80 hours a week right now...and trying to have a social life also. And of course, my social life completely revolves around poker....therefore the men in my life all come from poker also.

And there are new additions to my growing drama of men. Troy, a very handsome, hilarious deaf man. Eric, a newly divorced (March), father of four. Shannon, another deaf man who is gentle, warm and wise beyond measure.....and there is still Michael. Beautiful, gorgeous Michael.

There is so much to say about the four of them...and yet, I am not really in the full writing mood that I need to be in.

I will say that yesterday, in celebration of Michael's birthday, I treated him to a haircut with my stylist, and then he and I went to a bar that he had not been to before, for happy hour. I couldn't believe after all these months, that I was sitting across from this beautiful man in a bar. We laughed and talked so easily with one another....if I didn't have to work...who knows where this may have gone. We did make plans to have dinner on my birthday together. It was all over much too quick....and as we walked back to the salon, I almost felt like we could have held hands. It was a nice feeling. I stood with him by his motorcycle and when we were saying goodbye--he went to hug me, and then...he kissed me! My heart is singing today.....Michael kissed me....and the hug was so warm and inviting...we fit well...and I didnt want to let go. Wowowowowowowowowowowowowow.

Eric scares me....not him literally....what I am feeling for him, and sensing about "us" is scaring me a little bit....and it's gonna take longer than I have today for me to write about him. I'll just say that my heart may already be in trouble with him....and we haven't spent any alone time together yet. And he has already been kind, thoughtful and generous with me...and warm. He is probably scared too.....and approaching with caution.