Damn...A Whole Week!

And there are a great many things to write about....almost too much to write about, really.

Scott---is in Portland again, and he left last Friday after we had an amazing night...and again, we almost had sex. I did give him a BJ....and I almost took my clothes off....but...it didn't get to that. Unfortunately. And it really was a beautiful night together....he was reaching out for me...and we wrestled, and were like two little kids...my therapist thinks that he was probably sexually abused---cause some of his behaviours aren't typical of a man....and he feels like something happened to him...

This past Tuesday, we talked on the phone for 1.5 hours til 4am...and he did say something about being molested. But it was one of the best talks that I think we have ever had...and when we hung up, I felt very warm and fulfilled by our conversation. I felt like we had gone to another level together. And of course, since that night, I haven't spoken or heard from him (voice or text)

Tuesday, Michael sent me a text that he was "sorry. truly." I liked that. I hope he will come out this next Tuesday night! We had a nice chat on Monday when he came in.

Lee: didn't show up on Monday...Tuesday, he came to the second session only, but I heard his voice, and my heart started dancing. He is just so damn beautiful..and I ended up spending alot of money on him. He also won...and when we were standing there talking, I put both of my hands on his chest, and told him I was very proud of him. Thursday night, he came and we got to hang out a little bit. Friday night, he came to the second session only and again we had a good time....he went and sat with some chicks though...and I didn't like it at all...I was very jealous. He didn't say bye again that night. Last night was a little different though....probably 'cause there is a new guy coming around me...and he must be able to see it. Several times we were looking at each other from across the room and locking our eyes...and at first, I thought it was just me, but one time, he was way across the bar...and he lifted his beer to toast to me. He definitely came around me more last night since the new guy was around me. Another guy was trying to get me to go home with him....And then when it was time to go, I went outside and he went to the restroom. I put my stuff in the car, and went to Lee's car, and when he came out, he said don't be walking around my car...and I said, I will walk where I want. Then he hugged me and got in his car...and I stood in his door, with my hands on his thigh....and asked him if he wanted to go eat...and he said he tries not to eat at that time to watch his girlish figure. And then he said...uh oh...Taylor is watching me and saying you bastard...I wanted to take her home. And I looked at Lee and said, well that isn't happening ever. And then he was goofing around and moved the jeep...and then would say no I didn't...and I made some joke about being waitress...and he said, you are doing just fine....and he caressed the side of my face...it was sweet and gentle....and I saw him look at my cleavage once (what little I have)....and we goofed for a few more minutes...then I did the same and caressed his face....and asked, "will I see you tomorrow?" And he said he is going to try and make it.

I was floating after that....and I'm worried because my heart is falling more and more in like with him.....he really is a beautiful man.

The new man: Carlos, first showed up on Tuesday night....and I could tell that he was instantly attracted to me....and he has been with me every night (where I work) except Wednesday...and today I called him and we talked on the phone for about half an hour...and he wants me to call him later. I said I would. He is very nice....great energy, cute....has a son, and I've already told him things about me that I wouldn't normally have told anyone! ruh roh.

so we'll see what happens tonight.....no drinking...and no money to buy Lee's drinks either. Go figure.....