I have to go back to Monday night, when I went out with some friends, and then text Scott about coming over. He said yes, even though he was going to bed in an hour. So I went over, and well...I was there until he fell asleep...and then I left. He woke up as I was going out the door, and he made the peace sign. I put my hands in his hair, and my forehead on his and said goodbye. I wrote him a note saying I wanted to see him Wednesday night.
Tuesday night, we joked by text messaging for awhile, then I went to sleep.
Tonight, I text him from work, and he hadn't eaten. When I got there, he said that he isn't going anywhere...so I went to Rudy's and got our dinner. I told him it is nice that he gets room service. And I told him that he was going to have to surprise me with room service. We watched a basketball game on TV...and at one point, he was lying on the couch with his hand almost touching mine...I wanted to reach for his hand. But I didn't.
He eventually fell asleep...but it seemed like he was fighting sleep too. While he was sleeping, I watched TV. And I wrote him a note. I felt bad that I was taking the laptop without talking to him...but he is the one that fell asleep.
He did wake up, and gave me the peace sign. And well...when I left, I just said bye to him, and started crying. I don't want to be said good-bye to with a peace sign. I want to be hugged and loved. I want to be appreciated. I want to be desired. I want to know that I matter to someone else. So, maybe I am making a resolution...and maybe I'll be letting him go soon. It's not good for me.
And then, as I started using my laptop...well...there were some interesting things. How to find a G-spot, and how to give a blowjob, and a christian sex site. Veeeeeeeeeeeeeery interesting.
We are definitely going to have to have a talk when I get back....and I am going to have to come clean about my bisexuality, and what I want. Given this new information. But maybe he is tricking me....i doubt it though. But maybe I will be able to talk him into friends with benefits.
We'll see.
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