Less Than Satisfied

I got to tell Amanda about the night, and well, she wasn't all that happy for me...and even said that she didn't want to be a spoilsport---but when was Scott going to do those same things for me.

I know that she is right. It took me 7 hours to do all of his laundry yesterday. I don't even spend that much time on my house.

I did tell her that the benefit that I get out of it is that I am getting to work my way up to being physically intimate with a man---without the pressure of having to go all the way. I have been worried about freaking out if push came to shove.

So, last night he called to find out if there was poker, and there wasn't. He said he was gonna hang out for a little while, so I asked him to call me later. I text him around 10pm to see if he was getting drunk, and he text back that he was about to head home. I replied, "am I coming over?" And I got no answer....an hour later, I sent the same text--then called the phone was off. So I left a message saying that I didn't know if battery was dead or not, what to do, what to do...that I might just come over and if he wasn't home, well, I would just go home.

Stupidly, yet hoping, I guess, I took a shower and shaved my legs---thinking that maybe I would request a reciprocation of the night before.

I was nervous and putzed around for a little while---then decided what would it hurt, really--since my mind was made up. He was home, and when he opened the door, he said I was just going to call you. I brought his laundry in, and I asked him if he was going to call me to say no. He said yes, I'm drunk and tired--and I got home later than I thought. So he was kinda out of it--but he was friendly and goofing around with me. He did lipsync a love song to me- it was funny and cute.

We both fell asleep on the couch, and at one point, he kicked me in the head...that was funny. When I got up to go to the restroom, he moved to his bed.

We woke up at 10 this am. I sleep so good when we are together. He went to play disc golf with his friends (who came over and he did introduce them to me), and I came home to send the fax for him.

I don't think I am going to call him today. He can be the one to make the first move--I enjoy being with him, and everything that comes with it--but he never asks me to do anything with him. It is always me--and well, I'm tired. After everything that I have done for him/with him--I expect a little more from him.

Why wouldn't he want to keep me around? He has all the benefits of a girlfriend---without having to be a boyfriend!

At least Mark and I had the intimacy where we could sleep in the same bed together...and Scott doesn't do that with me. Even though, I feel like we have a stronger connection.

So he left with his friends, and I came home. Definitely unsatisfied in many ways.

I am going to have to talk to him about friends with benefits pretty soon. There is no reason that I can think of for us not to have sex together. And who knows, maybe that will get me over him.

I just know that I am beginning to wonder if he is using me--cuz he knows I won't say no, like when he text me about lunch--maybe he was just hungry and knew that I would bring him something....and the last three nights, he didn't have anything to eat for dinner, so he knew that I would take care of it. Maybe I need to add some mystery to myself--and quit doting on him.

Or maybe this is all part of my crazy thinking.....and he really does like and respect me--and isn't just using me.