Soooooooo close to having sexual intercourse, that is! I went over to Scott's on Thursday night, a 24 pack of beer in hand, and some sandwich stuff, that I knew he would like.
It was definitely as if nothing had happened the weekend before (no stress). We were both relaxed and comfortable with each other. And I had a good feeling about the night. We watched Pay It Forward, played poker on my laptop, watched Real Sex on HBO, I made us sandwiches (which he loved)...and well, we sat next to each other on the couch all night...and at one point, I had my head on his shoulder, and he told me he liked it. (internal wooooooooohooooooooo!!!!) I felt very close to him for sure. And while he was playing poker, he grabbed my hand and kissed it---I melted.
Then at some point, he laid with his back on me, between my legs, and asked me to rub his head, so I gave him a scalp/face/neck massage. There were several points when I wanted to lean over and kiss him, but I didn't. Then he turned over, and his head was on my breast, and one of his hands was on my ass. I continued with the scalp massage, and on the inside was getting NEEEEEERRRRRRRVOUS! Then he lowered himself down, so that his head was as close to being in my crotch as a person can get, and my legs were wrapped around him...and we laid there for many minutes--the nature of my massage had definitely changed...and then he changed position so that one of his arms was under my leg (totally oral sex position!)and I thought, oh my god! it's gonna happen tonight! FINALLY! I AM GONNA LOSE MY POST-MARITAL VIRGINITY!
And then he asked me if I was horny....and I stammered....I don't know....and he said you better figure it out, soon. First of all....why the hell did I say, I don't know....and why didn't I ask him, are you? 'Cause I am an idiot! That's why! The brass ring was right within my reach...and I fucking blew it....
So he changed positions....and I said to him, I think I was more comfortable with you the other way...and he said when we were laying like we were banging.....and okay, his languaging sucks...but I did answer yes to that. He kept saying something that I couldn't understand...and the next thing I heard was probably better anyway. And that is when I knew the ship had sailed and sunk.
Although, we did sleep spooning each other...and at one point, he grabbed my leg, and pulled it up on him, and I thought...hmmmm...is he asleep dreaming of sex...or is he awake trying to see if I'm awake for sex? I guess I didn't think of the latter until just now...'cause when I tried to move away, he held on. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
Nevertheless, I left around noon, and left him a note saying I'd be back at 5:30 -6pm. I went to therapy, and showed up at his place with stuff for dinner, and he was still laying where I had left him. I made us turkey burgers and potatoes for dinner.
We didn't hardly talk to each other at all....we were both quiet, tired, and probably a bit hungover, I don't know...but time passed, as it always does, and we ended up being awake until 6am or so...and we both fell asleep on the couch...but at some point, he woke up and moved to his bedroom.
Shit....shit....shit....
I left him a two page note...apologizing and letting him know about him being able to stay with me, if he needed. And that I would be back around 5:30pm. He text me at three that he was going out. Then he text me later that he was home...so I text him, Come over? He writes if you want? and I write....Oh, I want.
I got over there late, and he was wondering where I was...and well, I had to shave my legs, and take a shower before I went over. We had such a perfect amazing night....we played poker, we laughed, we joked, we were sitting next to each other, he kept calling me honey (something he has never done--and made me very happy)....and then....shit hit the fan.
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