Part 3

January 23, 2007

I have sent several messages to him, and I haven’t gotten any messages back. I let him know about the game all along the way. And I told my friend last night, that I feel the loss of him…he’s not here, and no contact…I miss him, a lot. I told her that if he decides to move back to Dallas, it is going to kill me---and I don’t know what I am going to do at that point…and she said I know. I think she is dreading that happening, as much as me!

I talked to her about my wanting him to move in here…that it would be fun, save money…and well, make more sense. I mean last week was unusual because of the weather, but I did spend 4 nights over there, and we were awake the whole time—so I think that it would work out great—for both of us. Maybe that would be stupid—it would cut off any other possibilities—especially since we aren’t having sex.

Maybe I am too hung up on that. My friend knows that I am very happy right now with him, and that is about all that I am happy with right now. She said she likes that I am enjoying the experience, and that things seem to be changing. Is it possible to be too hung up on wanting to have sex that I am pushing the opportunity away?

I just don’t understand how two people can spend so much time together, and not want to be with one another. Is it possible that guys are that freaking shy these days? I guess it’s possible that he doesn’t think I like him that way—since I apparently don’t give off any signals. I just know that I don’t want to go through 3 years of us. This morning on the radio, the DJ was saying that he is so shy that he would need to rearend a woman in her car to speak to her.

I asked my friend if it is possible that the only reason he spends time with me is because he doesn’t have anything else or anyone else to hang out with—and he is using me for the money and attention. She said that that is craaaaaaaazy talk---there is no way that he would be staying up with me and spending all this time with me if he was using me. She said no one would be able to do that…and that I wouldn’t and couldn’t be having as much fun if that is what is going on. I told her I know when I look back at everything, it doesn’t seem like it could be true….but…I am so naïve…who knows what is true and what is not?