A Most Awesome Night

I've got more to write about during the week...needless to say, I saw 2 men yesterday...I met Jason at a bar for two beers...he was watching football. And the only reason I text him about seeing him is because I was mad at Scott.

When I got to my car after being with Jason, there was a text from Scott asking me if I was still shopping. I called him and asked him if he wanted to watch the game alone...and I said I could take movies and beer..and he asked me to bring my laptop with me.

I came home, a little buzzed, colored my hair...took a shower (acting as if) and then went over...and I got there about 9pm...and we stayed up until 8am...yes..I said 8am...and he fell asleep with his head in my lap, and I slept for one hour holding him. He had said you can sleep in my bed, and I said where are you sleeping? He said I don't know..and I said I am sleeping where you are sleeping. I should have made him move to the bed.

Anyway, we laughed, watched 2 movies, played poker online, and he played some of his music for me...and he drank...alot...but I did not. I didn't come close to being drunk..or even buzzed--because I didn't want a repeat of that nameless horrible night.

We were having a pillow fight, and he was getting frustrated with me, saying I wouldn't play right. And he told me if I didnt hit him, then I had to go home. I did...

Now for me, this was a big deal...I have NEVER had a pillowfight before...and I am very AFRAID of anything like this getting out of hand...and he made it safe for me to increase my trust, and to just have fun--like other people would, without having to worry about it turning into violence. For that, I don't know how I can repay him. I'm sure for most people, this wouldn't be a big deal...but for me, it is ENORMOUS. That I trusted him enough, and felt safe enough with him, and myself...a baby step.....but symbolically a huge step.

So I left him a note...and I am going to go back over there...and make him breakfast in bed...or breakfast at the very least.

I am so going to have to work on my house...so he can come over here and hang out.

I'm just so elated that I got to hold him in my arms--even for one hour.