Clearly from the title, it should be quite obvious to anyone reading this that I didn't see Scott last night, and that despite the fact that I was with 10 people that enjoy my company...I was miserably alone.
I did talk to Scott for a few brief minutes before the party started. He asked me what I was doing and I asked him what he was doing...and I invited him to join us at some point, and then we hung up.
I text him at midnight, happy new year..and I sent one to Jason too. I didn't hear back from either of them...K. wrote me and she asked me if I was with someone special. yeah, right.
It did suck at midnight...everyone was all happy and hugging one another...and I just sat on the chair like a bump on a log. Of course I am grateful that it is a new year...and I get to see another one...and maybe this one will be better than the others...lots of crap this year. I suppose I should look back on the things that were positive this year. And appreciate the good things.
I just feel numb...and not really enjoying anything these days.
I text both Scott and Jason today. And Scott didn't reply. Jason called me back about 2 hours later, and we talked for about half an hour...and then we went to the movies! Yup...I had my first date, I think...even if he doesn't think of it that way. He of course is just breaking with someone after about 11 months...so I'm not sure he isn't interested in anything except hanging out...but that is a-okay.
He is soooo cute...hoop earrings, tattoos, beautiful blue eyes...Hot.
I did make a decision today though...if Scott doesn't care enough about me to call or text me to see me or to get his christmas presents, then fuck him. I'm sure he is gonna notice when I don't call him this week. And maybe then he will appreciate me. That is the worst..that he takes me for granted.
I cried on the way home from the movies though...I don't know why. Night at the Museum was sooo funny...lighthearted, goofy and non-threatening.
I also need to start exercising again...I'm sure that I will be happier if I feel attractive and sexy.
Today I realized that if I don't take care of myself...well then nobody will...it's as if I've been waiting for her to come back..and well...let's face it. She ain't coming back...and I don't really want her back.
I'm much happier alone..well, not alone..but happier without her. Lonely,feeling unloved or unlovable...but I certainly do more things now than I did with her.
I can't think about this anymore.
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