May The Adventure Begin

Last Friday, I was in Los Angeles, and I got to see a friend of mine who is absolutely gorgeous. And he was quite happy to see me, and has just broken up with his girlfriend of 3 years.

An unexpected incredible opportunity fell into my lap while in Los Angeles, and well, I invited Steve to go back to LA with me....and he is going! We are flying together, sharing a hotel room, and a car....and also going to Vegas.

I can't believe I am about to spend a weekend with a man I barely know, who is smart, funny and financially sound. Wow! I've come along way, baby!

I of course requested 2 beds in the hotel rooms...and I am nervous beyond belief.

And....tonight, I spent about an hour with Lance....I like him sooooooo much.....ALOT

He is so nice, sweet, funny...and cute.

We'll see what happens!

And what happens in Vegas....will not stay in Vegas!

Diary of A Mad Blackwoman

I watched it today, as a fluke, while getting some work done. And it was actually a pretty good depiction of the pain stages that a person goes through in a divorce...and the stages of beginning to date again.

I was a little disappointed that I didn't hear from Ben last night--at all. And I am waiting for Scott to get home. I sent Ben a text message asking if he wants to go to the movies tomorrow afternoon. And I sent Scott a text message about tonight.

I am actually pretty tired...not sure why...maybe I am still recovering. I don't even really feel like going out tonight, and being around people. But..I also don't want to be by myself tonight.

I don't really like the smoke of the bar....but if I go to the other place, then I will be late for the 8:30pm at the smoky bar. I just have a feeling that Scott isn't going to be home in time.

A"Real" New Man

Real being defined as mature, permanently retired.....and a great sense of humor. We hit it off almost instantly...and he is quite a nice man. A bit of a loner I'm sure, as he lives in the country...and doesn't like to go into town...

I called him yesterday...and he guess that it was me right away....which impressed me....and we ended up talking on the phone for 40 minutes.

And he said that he had read my blog when he got home that night.....haha....not this one of course!

He wants to rearrange the game so that I can make it....I said don't do that on my account...and he said that is exactly why I would do it.....

very interesting........

A New Man

and to continue the story.....

A new man, Ben, invited me to go to poker with him last night...and I said yes. He is tall, dark, and gorgeous, and very sexy. My friend, Amanda, insisted that I go and keep my options open.

So I got to meet his friends...and see how he is in his relaxed, normal environment.

What surprised me, is that he is quite social--not quiet at all...and he was very open and touchy with me.

The surprising thing for me was that when he came around, and he was leaning into me, my body automatically responded by leaning into him....and I damn near swooned several times. I haven't felt like that in years---and have forgotten what that feels like. Definitely made it difficult to concentrate. There was definitely alot of sexual energy flowing between us. That makes me nervous.

He was aware that I hadn't been drinking, and he offered me a beer, and he toasted me.

His friends were teasing him about some other women---I guess they didn't realize that I was kinda there to be with him--so I did get to learn alot about him that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. And they were joking with him about having sex with a couple of women. I just took it all in. Apparently they are all really good friends, and are pretty open with one another.

And admittedly, I felt a little "guilty" that I was there, having these feelings, and thinking about Scott.

Sadly, he left ....and didn't really say good-bye. I called him on the ride home and left him a message thanking him for the evening and inviting him to come to the game tonight.

I had thought about not getting into the game, in case he wanted to leave---'cause well, I wanted to spend a little bit of time with him--to check things out.

So Much Going On....

I don't know where to start! I have been spending an increasing amount of time with Scott. I spent the night again on Thursday, and I had picked him up at 8:30 and left at 11am.

I told him that I need to get to know two of him---the one that is sober...and the one that is drinking. He is much more open, and vulnerable when he is drinking--and we have some incredible talks with him. He opened up quite a bit on Thursday night, and I am pretty sure that I know now why he doesn't want to be involved with anyone right now. With all the time that he and I are spending together---there is no time for him to be seeing anyone!

As he was talking, I got in between his legs and held his face in my hands---and told him that he is making a great difference, and that I wasn't going to tell him that night---but he just needed to know that he makes a huge difference/contribution in my life.

Then he laid down, and I stroked his back and his hair while he was talking.....he told me that he doesn't have anyone in his life that supports his dreams unconditionally....so when he fell asleep--I kept talking to him, for it to go into his subconscious.

I woke up at 8am, and he had moved to his bed---but I had a pillow under my head, so he had to have put it there....and when I went to the restroom, he was naked in bed! So I got to see his butt! His front was covered---too bad!

I made an executive decision, not to sleep in the bed---since he was naked. I didn't want him to feel weird, waking up naked next to me.

I am gonna do some work with him.....which is hopefully going to bridge the gap between his sober/drunk self. And he will begin to trust me more when he is sober.

We are clearly becoming good, intimate friends......

I was hoping he was going to go with me to a party tonight....but he went to the beach with some people...and he told me he would be sitting on the beach by himself.

What a great night!

I got home at 7:30am today because I played poker all night. Now, it wasn't my intention to be out last night at all....but Scott text me in the afternoon and said that he wanted to play poker, too! Of course, I did everything but jump up and down and scream for joy---and I had him meet me at a gas station, and follow me.

When we got to the house, he came to my car door immediately and asked if I needed help, and I said, "actually, yes." And handed him my bags---so that I could carry the birthday cake that I had brought for one of my friends. I also wanted Scott to see that I do nice things for everyone, not just him.

He played in another room, and his friend, James, played in my room, and I was like the barmaid! Since I wasn't playing, I made sure everyone had their drinks full, and if they needed anything, I would get it for them. It was fun.

I noticed several times, that Scott was looking at me when he would come in, and sometimes, I went and met him in the kitchen, and he would have that shy, smile that I know I get when I am looking at someone that I like. Now I wasn't drinking last night, so I know that my perception is pretty clear.

Then at about 1am, he came to play inside...and there were three open seats at the table....including one next to me. Everyone was asking him where he was going to sit, and he said he would decide while in the restroom. As he was coming back, I left the table, cause I didn't want to see if he would sit next to me....and he did!

I know that I can't read alot into that...except that we hadn't spent any time together....and he could have sat next to his friend---and it wasn't like I had alot of money on the table that he could take from me,either.

His friend is quite cute...and also very nice. I hugged the host good-bye...and when we got to my car, I asked them if they were gonna eat---James wanted to, Loren didn't. I guess I could have told James I'd eat with him. Scott said he just wanted to go to sleep. So James came over to me and hugged me---Scott was already walking away...and when he saw James hug me....he came back to me and hugged me...and I accidently brushed his ass! Maybe he didn't notice.

I just counted...and since yesterday, we talked on the phone 5 times...and he text me 8 times. Hmmmmmmm.....

While I was driving home, he text me was I okay to drive....to which I replied...probably not. Meanwhile, I am thinking....you idiot....why didnt you ask me before we left each other!

So, clearly.....I really doubt that he has another girl in his life--locally in any event....that's okay, though....I think last night showed him that I am not all goo goo over him....and can behave like a normal human being---rather than someone who wants to hang all over him!

I'm thrilled and very very happy......

Sooooooo Much Drama!

I can hardly believe that it has already been two weeks since I last wrote here. So much has happened...and while I have been a little under the weather, it still isn't any excuse.

The most exciting, wonderful news is that Scott never left me at all! I saw him on Monday night, and my heart sang! He said hello, and later, I asked him if we could talk, and he said "of course, sure!" So the first thing I asked him was where he had been---and he asked me where I had been. I said I haven't heard from you in three weeks....and he said, "you are crazy! I've been texting you." I said no you haven't! And then he told me my phone was a piece of shit---and he proceeded to show me on his cell phone, the messages that he had been sending me.

He then "accused" me of playing a game with him---cause I had texted him from my work phone, and he had written back, "who is this?" and I didn't respond. He said he knew it was me, and that I was using someone else's phone. I said, no...it is my phone. And he didn't believe me....so I showed him, that indeed it was my phone, and I assured him that the last thing I want to do is play games. Then I asked him, if based on the things that I had shared with him---didn't he know that about me by now?

We were outside talking for about 20 minutes. He then said that he had told me a long time ago that he was kinda seeing someone on/off again. And that if he gave me the wrong impression, he was sorry. And then he said,"But we can be friends." And I said I certainly hope so---'cause I think you are a pretty cool person. And he said that he thinks the same. And I said, so we are just going to be friends...and he said "at this time." And then, I asked him if it was a guy or a girl. He said,"you think I'm gay???" And I said, "hey, nowadays, you never know! I had to ask!" That seemed to relax him too----that I wasn't upset.

Now we both had been drinking....and I was pretty close to drunk....we went inside and sat at the same table to play poker. A couple of my friends were at the table too, and he was getting along great with them. His friend (same one that left him that fateful night) got out early, so I told Scott that I would give him a ride home if he wanted. So he told his friend that he could go. So then, I started winning...and Scott lost, and he called the guy....and I told him that I would just throw the chips away...so I could go hang with him.

By then, the guy had come back...so he left without saying good-bye. That upset me, and I couldn't help but tear up. Then, my phone rang at 1am, and he wanted to know what the plan was....and I told him that I would be there within half an hour.....and he said he thought I would have already been on my way....and that since I wasn't, he was gonna go to bed. That really upset me.....and well, I really really got upset. Wonder of it all, is that I still came in 2nd.

I have had 3 text messages from him since Monday night, including one at 1am to ask a "lame" question that wasn't even worth writing.....

so, I gotta wonder.......and well....I learned some important things about myself. I'm not sure why the Universe conspired against my getting his text messages for three weeks. And he certainly does enjoy my company---and he most certainly tried to kiss me---so, we'll see what kind of game he wants to play. I know that I let the external world dictate my internal/emotional state....but I also learned from this that not everything is as it seems. And I can't let myself fall completely apart to the point of being motionless. Which I had been for the three weeks that I didn't see him.

I'm only so thankful that I had my contacts on that night, and had dressed nicely---I asked one of my friends if I looked different that night....and she said yes! it was good for him to see me like that!

And my goodness, he was even more beautiful than I remembered! I think I am gonna have to take a picture of him with my phone....