Biting My Tongue

I just don't know what to do. Do I speak up and say what I want? Or do I keep my mouth shut, and see if it will pass?

I hadn't heard from Steve since I called him on Thursday night and he was short and cut me off. Not even when I emailed him questions about our project.

This morning, I called him, and he was very quiet...and I just wanted to hang up on him and tell him to fuck off. Absolutely no conversation at all. Again, I am left wondering what the fuck I did wrong....

I don't feel like finishing our project...but we are so close to being done...it would be stupid not to finish.

I miss when we were just having fun...

Last night, driving home, I was upset again about L. thinking about how much fun we used to have....and i wanted to call him.

Maybe it is good that I am going to start working again...I can stop thinking about sex and my lack of physical and emotional intimacy.

I haven't gotten my hair cut in over a month and my hair looks like shit....and I need to find someone to go on the cruise with me. I haven't lost any weight...and looks like my birthday is going to be spent alone again.

I really hate everything.