Waking Up Empowered

Naturally, I had some difficulty going to sleep last night...replaying the conversation with Mark....and was feeling a lot like a loser.....and getting discouraged that any guy will put up with my ever growing learning curve.

I did do a search on the internet for 'dating etiquette'---and I couldn't find anything that said a person MUST invite the other person in after a date. Not one website. Now of course, the sites didn't exactly have any information on saying goodnight,either.....but...I think the lesson here for me is that I need to stand up for myself....and only do the things that I am comfortable with.....and feel good about doing.

When I woke up this morning, after some meditating, I realized this is my life, my house, and my body....and NO ONE is going to assert their will over these areas of my life. I have worked too hard, and too long on myself to go backwards now.

So, now I feel empowered to make my own choices. So choice one is that I won't be calling Mark for a bit---we'll see if he calls. While he challenged me and I did do some growing and asking some important questions of myself....I realized that he wasn't being supportive or empathetic to what I was sharing with him---and seemed more concerned about himself. At one point, he did ask me what makes me so different from other people that have gotten out of a relationship? And I said nothing---except that I totally lost all sense of my self, and I am trying to redefine, and recreate myself.

I also didn't like that he said he got a red flag from my not wanting him to know where I live, and he doesn't have red flag people in his life. I replied to him that I don't have red flag people in my life either. And frankly, I don't ever even meet red flag people. So, I am asking myself today, why wouldn't it be a red flag that he was so insistent on picking me up???

Nevertheless......I have to be proud of myself for not falling down emotionally...and realizing that I am the one in control, and that I have choices that I can make that can either empower me, or disempower me.

Now the empowering part of this is that if I am ever going to have anyone over, I have got to make my living space mine....and change the arrangement of furniture, etc....I never have done that since the relationship ended. And it's time. Time to make this space mine, so that I can indeed feel comfortable and safe having people come over. And not feel like I am doing something wrong....or cheating.

Today, I did some clicking on links, and came across Violet Blue and Cake. Very sexually liberating, and empowering. So i will take that as my signs that I am on the right path with my thinking.