My Background---short version for now

I was in a committed relationship for 14 years, and then I was dumped....not for another person. For God, for the personal relationship with Jesus. That also resulted in my being "fired" from the business that I helped build from scratch.

Yes, we had problems...like any couple. I just never dreamed that my life would turn like that.

So....since then, I've been celibate. Not for a lack of men in my life. I just turned myself off to other people---sexually. I don't want to say that I turned myself off emotionally, because my personal relationships with my friends are much deeper and genuine than they were before the breakup/divorce. The people in my life mean more to me than ever.

I have been attracted to many guys over the last two years. And even in love with a few. Sadly, the attraction wasn't/isn't returned. Or they are choosing not to act on their feelings. Who knows? I have learned that I can't waste my time or energy on trying to figure out what other people are thinking about me.

There is one guy that I have known for two years now...when we see each other, we always sleep in the same bed, and we will end up cuddling at some point in the night. We have traveled a great deal together, and I've seen him naked....he says he isn't interested sexually.

Another guy, I met recently...and the first night I met him, we hit it off...and I had the impulse to kiss him (which was sooooo bizarrrrre!)...I didn't, and now we are great friends. I went to visit him for over a week. He gave me his bed, treated me like a queen, and while I definitely felt heat---I haven't figured out if there was anything on his side---at all.

Then there is the man that stole my heart the moment I laid eyes on him. I was hit by Cupid's arrow...and since I had only experienced that three other times in my life---I knew that he was going to be special to me. And he is....I love him dearly......the problem is that he is in a relationship. Troubled for sure--otherwise we couldn't have the relationship that we share. The boundaries are clear....he doesn't discuss his SO, and will mention her name now and again.

He never asks whether I am dating someone....as a matter of fact, he must know that I don't...'cause one time he called at 10pm, and I said he is the only one that calls at that time, and he said I'm the only one that's allowed. I have no doubt that he knows how I feel about him---I light up like a Christmas tree whenever I see him. Touching him is easy...when he lets me. He is uncomfortable with me hugging him. Haha...especially when i have perfume on. I completely understand. Although we are just "friends"---he does go through alot of effort to hide our friendship. Makes me wonder.

And for pure animalistic instincts, there is a Justin Timberlake look-alike with nice tattooed arms, pierced nipples (which he gladly showed off) and a pierced tongue. I am normally not into all of that.....but he has a beautiful face....and his energy screams, "SEX!" He calls me his stalker...and he gave me his phone number the other night....he is a BIG FLIRT and has a kind heart....he always kisses the women that are 50+ on the cheek and tells them that he loves them and that they are beautiful. I may let him pierce my nose....he offered to pierce my nipples or my clit----but....there aint no way on Earth---a needle is getting anywhere near those body parts!

Wow, kudos to the women that are that comfortable with themselves to bare themselves like that...and get pierced! NOT ME!

I don't understand how people that get separated or divorced can start dating right away, or jump in the sack with someone. Maybe it is like riding a bike...and I just need to get back on.

Or is it more mature to hold on and wait for LOVE.

I guess we are gonna find out!