Great Flirting Night!

I went to play poker....and there were so many different people there that I hadn't seen in awhile....it was so much fun! It just seemed like people just kept coming in....

So I now have three different offers for Thursday night....one is to meet with Joseph (my otherwise taken interest) for half an hour. two is Mark wants to go with me to a bar that I told him about. And the third was a surprise---a guy that I have been attracted to for over a year, that keeps saying he wants to get together with me and have lunch.

Mark was at the pub tonight....he was kinda cool at first...when I went to say hello...he replied, "oh, hey." So I just figured that I wouldn't be talking to him. So...after I got out of the game, I found him, and we sat down together and talked. I asked him if he thought it was wierd that I had called him three times...he said the third message, he couldn't understand at all. So I told him what I had said.

There were a couple of times when I was talking to him, that he seemed like he wasn't listening...so I stopped talking to him. Then when he was leaving, he mentioned about Thursday night.

I decided that I should probably be upfront with him and just tell him, that he is the first guy that I have done anything with---that we weren't already friends. And that I want to diffuse the energy of him being a "date" vs. a friend. It is too much pressure for me. I imagine that it would be hard for anyone to be the first "date" after 5 years +. This way he knows it's not him...and more me. And maybe by my doing that....I can relax...'cause tonight I noticed that I was deferring to him and feeling insecure---wondering if he thought I was wierd, or if he "likes" me. I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN. I've come too far to fall back into that rat trap.

I just got home....and had two missed calls and messages from Joseph. My heart is singing with joy.....to hear his voice erased all my insecurity from Mark. I feel strong, and never insecure with Joseph.

I really don't enjoy being insecure and girly.

We'll see what happens tomorrow!